The Course - Part III

Today, the final day of The Course, saw the culmination of all things treacherous into a veritable melting pot of hostility and discomfort. While Kemp and I remained focused on our ultimate goal of Advanced Life Improvement, others struggled. It seems that their levels of stamina and endurance were pitiful in the face of IDCS and SICD. Perhaps this is why we were the chosen ones for this quest, and perhaps this is why we have succeeded in our journey, in the face of such barbaric conditions.

I will attempt to explain.

This great southern land is far from home, far from comfort and far from stability. Today we witnessed a phenomenon known as "rain" and it's damaging partner "wind". When their powers combined, they created a force largely unseen in my northern homeland, and greatly feared by all inhabitants: Bad Weather. But we soldiered on - the wind ravaged my hair, and the rain pillaged my mascara, but did I crack? Did I fall victim?? No no no reader, I fought on!

Regardless of my altered appearance, Kemp and I maintained our composure...that is, until we were faced with the final test: The 'meet-and-greet' with the 'CEO'. The most feared and gruesome of all powerful beings, and we had been chosen to face this foe. After a long day of fighting environmental elements and increasing exhaustion, we found, within the depths of our souls, the power to fight on. That's right, we met-and-gret our ultimate challenger, and we took him down. Armed with the light saber of Stella Artois and the scimitar of Chandon, we shook off his needless advances, and we saw through his bravado of pleasantness.

Reader, I shall not lie to you. This final test was not all guts and glory, oh no. Yes, we succeeded in our quest, and we triumphed in our battles, but we have been left with a feeling of emptiness. A feeling of such destructuralism that we no longer know what is right or wrong, or indeed, who is friend or foe. We will return north at sunset tomorrow, moving from the gloom towards the light, but what have we left behind? Will Bazza and Kemp ever be whole without the reassuring structure of IDCS and SICD? How does one live when one has achieved such enlightenment? How does one live such an Advanced and Improved Life?

I believe this may be the end of Life as I know it. The journey is over.

The Course - Part II

Our journey continues; through the murky waters of the Yarra we trudge, with our weapons raised high and our egos raised higher. We shall not be damaged by the treacherous environment we find ourselves swamped in, oh no! We will reign supreme over all we survey in this unfathomable land of self-improvement. We have reached the half way point; our will is impenetrable, and our minds are as one.

Once again I find myself admiring my self-improved surroundings. The discovery of the well hidden extra pillows adds to the homely quality of my temporary accommodation, of which I only have my skills of sleuth to thank. The quest I find myself on has enlightened me to my seemingly inherent skills in environmental change, and I have discovered that whilst on the Advanced Life Improvement Course today, my accommodation cleaned itself. I can only assume that the Course has now begun its work on me and my friend Kemp. I can only expect more exciting changes of telepathic and out-of-body proportions, as witnessed today.

The powers at work in this journey of discovery are incredible. Kemp and I have experienced the first stage of our enlightenment and have trodden the path to our Advanced Improvement. We have reached such a level of self-awareness that we now talk in code and refer to ourselves in the third person. I predicted such changes would occur, but had no idea as to the ramifications of these changes. Down to the core of our existence we have fallen, to rip apart the centre, the very fabric of our selves...

I can now disclose the identity that has hidden within me all these years. Lying dormant within the very shell of my existence, my new Self is more complex and hyperbolic than I ever knew possible. Hiding behind the pseudonym of Bazza, I now expose IDCS. Only a select few will ever know the true meaning behind this name. I ask you: What is a name? What significance is a name?? Oh poor, sheltered, unaware reader... how little you know of the world...

I have said too much - I must protect the location of IDCS - I must continue the quest for a truly Advanced Life - I MUST COMPLETE THE COURSE!

The Course - Part I

Much like Roland of Gilead, the hero of The Dark Tower series of which I am currently enjoying Volume 5, I am far from home on a journey of discovery, incredible danger and amazing intrigue... My fellow traveller Kemp, somewhat like Roland's right hand man, Eddie Dean, is currently recovering from the first part of our journey. If it weren't for the inherent nature of this quest, I'd say he was being boring. But of course, as the quest leader, I must understand that my comrades need their rest, and as a seasoned traveller I may have slightly unfairly high expectations of young Kemp.

As I sit in my temporary accommodation, I reflect on the comforts of home and how masterfully I have adapted my present surroundings to match said comforts. It didn't take long to discover how the heating worked, or where they kept the hypoallergenic pillows, so now I can assume my position of power and preparation for the days ahead.

The next 3 days will be spent on an Advanced Life Improvement Course. This pseudonym has been created by me in order to protect Kemp and myself from certain positional discovery and therefore thwart any attempts at preventing us from completing our most important journey. Be assured that our lives are in danger, and I can not disclose the true purpose of our journey for fear of endangering ourselves, and indeed, you, my avid readers.

I will attempt to update you on the vast improvements that I will no doubt see within myself, and Kemp, over the coming days. Of course, I must warn you reader, depending on the toxicity and potency of this Course, I may emerge a wholly new person - someone capable of only talking in the language of the Improved, someone so Advanced that they are no longer permitted to coerce with beings such as yourselves, someone who will lead such an amazing Life full of Advanced Improvements that all sense of normality is overtaken and replaced by an overwhelming sense of enlightenment. In fact, I may just disappear into a haze of Omniscience.