Patriotism

My holiday is almost at an end; thankfully, I'm tanned and relatively relaxed. However, my less than fortunate friend will be returning to England tomorrow, and I can't help but feel very, very sad for him. Don't get me wrong - I see the benefits of living in such a place as London; the shopping, the night life, the restaurants, etc. But, do those things count when it's cold, miserable and wet for 8 months of the year? No, my friends, they do not.

After being back in my mother land for 18 months, I have finally lost most pleasant thoughts for England. The few pleasant thoughts that remain are for my friends who are, unfortunately for them, trapped there against their will (I can only assume). I have the most unbelievable fondness for Australia; I wake up every day and thank this country for it's weather, it's cheapness, and it's loveliness in general. Not once in my eleven years in England did I ever do that.

Furthermore, I believe that I might just stay in Brisbane forever - it's my favourite of all the Australian cities, I've got some very pleasant friends, and some (just a few) of my family live here. For me, this statement of permanent residence is quite amazing; I'm a mover, have lived in about 20 different towns across the world in my lifetime, and just assumed that this was the way it should be. But no - I was wrong.

Lastly, in my little patriotic post, I have now discovered the home of the greatest food in the world. I don't need London's Busaba, Hakkassan and fish & chips; I've got Hog's Breath Cafe - or 'Hoggie's' as my lovely Chappers calls it. It truly doesn't get much better than that: Steak, curly fries, sunshine and Cholesterol. Brilliant... just brilliant.

Temporary Au Revoir

Thank the lord, I'm finally in the last few hours of work time. As of 5pm, I am officially on holiday! I may not update my blog at all in the next couple of weeks, because I'll have much more important things to do. Like going to the beach, driving down to Sydney, drinking copious amounts of alcohol and eating far too much food.

While I'm very much enjoying gloating about the fact that I've got two weeks off, I'm slowly realising that there will be something very important missing in my life. That is, my routine, and the people that comprise my routine.

I'm going to miss my little routine of gym, work, home. Especially people like Roy who keep me permanently amused and make the day of work a little easier to swallow. And the lovely Chappers who consistently makes me smile and gives me the perspective I need to get by every day.

But... apart from them, I can't wait to get the hell out of this pit of mundane misery and party like it's 1999! Wooo! Goodbye, cruel world of work; hello, life of luxury that I crave.

The Promotion of Gambling

Me and my pod have just won $19 on some scratchies. The purchase of said scratchies stemmed from the amazing performance of a young horse called 'Champagne and Chicks', which Roy was compelled to back. The whole experience was enthralling and exciting and it's made me start to question if gambling is such a bad thing? In fact, my pondering goes beyond this - I'm beginning to wonder; is gambling just for fun, or are people inherently attracted to it?

I'm inclined to think that the act of gambling is up there with all endorphin releasing activities - it pleasures like a bar of chocolate - it amuses like a cracking joke - it excites like the promise of Sunday afternoon sex. Surely we should be fitting as much of these activities into our lives as possible, not limiting it to special occasions? After all, depriving yourself of chocolate, laughter and sex only leads to misery.

If I'm to assume that gambling should be encouraged, and it necessarily helps in our pursuit of happiness, then is a gambling addict merely a person who's reached ultimate enlightenment and is no longer hampered by the consciousness of an ill-bred theory that gambling is bad?

Should we all take a leaf out of the Gamblers Anonymous Guide Book, and get on the tracks, get down to the TAB and back everything that moves with the hope that we too can achieve the same enlightenment? Should we all be striving towards the goal of being a Gambler?

New Month, New Me

Yet again I have reached a minor turning point in my life. I'm beginning to think that I think far too much about everything, and perhaps I'm slightly self-obsessed, but hey, I'll carry on until my brain explodes.

So, I've witnessed my proactivity with regards to weight loss and fitness. I am a guru of all things health related. Additionally, I'm now completely versed with life in Australia and living an independent existence. I am a guru of all things Australian and Me related. However, there's one thing that I'm not so experienced in, and I'll admit, I tend to be slightly emotionally stunted about. That is, the wonderful world of men.

Is it wonderful? Probably not, but I'm curious as to how things work when a man and a woman live on a level playing field.

I just feel like I'm not allowing them the respect they deserve. I'm thinking that there may even be one out there who has a bit of a brain attached to his penis - you never know, stranger things have happened. So, my plan is to put myself on the market, officially. I'm gonna make a concerted effort to flaunt my goods in the general direction of suitable patrons, while still retaining the little dignity that I've saved over the years.

Of course, I won't let the flaunting get out of hand - Roy and Chappers are on side to slap me if I turn into some desperate old whore flashing her fanny about - and anyway, I'm much more sophisticated than that. Really - I am...

Cat

Having shown Chappers and Roy the following link to my intended breed of cat, I have realised that I should possibly gather opinion of my choice.

The breed is supposed to be better for allergy sufferers, and should be an indoor cat as they can't cope with the outdoors. If you do take them outdoors, you have to put sunscreen on them, and have them on a lead. The breeder currently has 4 baby boys who would be ready for collection in 10 weeks. They are chocolate pointed in colour.

Personally, I think they're so ugly that they're actually cute, but other people have different opinions. Please help me with this very important decision by commenting; indicate Yes or No.

http://www.cat-world.com.au/DevonRexBreedProfile.htm

P.S. My first choice of name is Faggot. If you have any other suggestions, please let me know.

Cookies

They're cunning, they're tempting, they're evil - They're Cookies.

I'm not talking Internet Cookies, and I'm certainly not talking your Oreo variety of Cookie. I'm talking about the type of cookie that lies in wait, knowing that nobody can ever resist their tempting ways. They are more often than not placed in the back of the cupboard, or in a drawer of the fridge, so that you can't see them. But we all know this is pointless. Their overriding presence is not stilted by the bounds of vision, nor is it hampered by any attempt to hide their scent: Cookies of this nature are omniscient.

If anybody has ever sampled a Chocolate Viennese Cookie from Marks & Spencer's, you'll understand. My friend from the UK, Miln, has recently supplied me with two, count em, TWO packets of these delightful morsels, and I curse the day she landed on my doorstep. I dream about them - I can taste them in my sleep - and I've just polished off the first packet. My only saving grace now is that the second packet isn't open yet, and I'm counting on Chappers, Roy and IT Helpdesk to do the honours with the second pack.

This is a plea for help - please will someone eat my cookies??

The Other Pod

I work in Pod #1 along with my esteemed colleagues, Roy and Chappers. We work alongside Pod #2 who consist of 3 'others' who mainly aren't worthy of a pseudonym. Yesterday they went out west together...

Now, I've told you all previously about the dangers and perils associated with westward travel, but it seems that I hadn't even touched the tip of this veritable iceberg of hazard. Roy and Chappers are far more acquainted with the dangers of the west, and indeed, with the social habits of the other pod.

It seems that all this time, I have been working alongside a pod of sexual deviants - a pod of people so perverse that even the presence of westies doesn't hamper their desire to take part in sordid sex games. In fact, the proximity to the west seems to have provoked a side to them previously unknown to me. Apparently there have been incidents involving a new form of dental floss - utilising the body's 'natural floss', as well as some interesting initiation rights involving a new Pod #2 member. Roy and Chappers are very much aware of their games, and have enlightened me regarding this subject. However, the details appear to have excited Roy and Chappers a little too much, and I'm now worried that I'm working alongside a bunch of raving nymphomaniacs.

The question is, do I conform and allow my own nymphomaniac to surface? Or do I take on the 'Nanna' role and chastise all of them for their evil and provocative ways?

Those of you who know me well can probably guess which avenue I'll take.