I'm sitting on my sofa, having just eaten far too much Green & Black's 70% cocoa dark chocolate, and I'm watching Nigella cook chocolate melty pot things on the tv. I love Nigella. She's fat, she eats far too much, but she's as happy as a pig in shit. And my love for her is growing by the second...
Today I realised that I have a slight problem. I've taken this losing weight thing to a whole new level of obsessiveness - very unlike me... I went to the pub for lunch, ordered a pizza, a healthy pizza, which would probably have been completely allowed in my diet plan, but I ate one piece and stopped. Half way through my piece of pizza I had the sudden thought that everybody was watching me eat. I assumed that thoughts of me and my pizza, and the rapidity with which I must surely be gorging on it, were flying through my friend's heads, and every one of them was most definitely thinking, "That Bazza - she is a fucking fat pig. Look at her stuff her fat face with that pizza. Fat cow."
So I stopped eating the pizza; even though I was hungry I'd managed to make myself not hungry by thinking these things. Then I was in a shit mood, depressed, miserable, feeling fat.
That's just not right! Wouldn't you agree? Fucking abnormal.
But to my benefit, I have some good friends who helped me to see what I've accomplished so far. So, with the knowledge that a) I look great, b) I'm not fat, and c) I should be proud of myself, I will sit back and watch Nigella - taking notes to ensure that I too can eat shit loads of amazing food, but still be happy.
And now I'll shut the hell up about food and dieting and challenges, because I feel that I'm becoming slightly obsessed... slightly more obsessed.
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