Big Girl

Every now and then, as humans, we inevitably do something which fucks everything else up. For example, let's say you have an uncontrollable urge to tell someone that you're thinking a certain thing - the telling of this thing isn't necessarily that bad, or wrong in any way, but for some reason the whole world turns to shit once the words have left your mouth.

I recently let my guts fall out of my mouth - quite literally - to a very important special friend of mine. Yes, I had inadvertently turned into a big fucking girl, and felt the need to tell all. Since this event, the following things have happened:

I felt astoundingly rejected.
I felt decidedly angry.
I realised it was all my fault.
I cried for 24 hours.

Now, it's not all doom and gloom. Although I know it's going to take a while for the tears to completely subside, and for the uttered feelings to go away, (perhaps they'll never go away completely), but at least I am now in the position where there is some positivity on the horizon.

Yes, I will survive. I will eventually stop blaming myself. I will move ..... on .... perhaps. Urgh.

In the meantime, I'll be spending a stupid amount of time in the gym (2 hours of intense cardio this morning. woo.) and spending the rest of the time NOT under my doona weeping quietly to myself.