I'M SINGLE AND BITTER FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. Does anybody remember how that feels?? Is there anybody out there who understands me when I say that the last thing I want to see or hear about is other people's happiness??
- I don't want to know if you've just found out you're pregnant.
- I don't want to know if you're engaged, or have just got married.
- I don't want to know if it's your anniversary.
- And I most definitely don't want to know anything about your partner, and how happy they make you.
And lastly - I DON'T ENJOY BEING SINGLE. Therefore PLEASE refrain from trying to involve me in your non-single lives. I would rather be eaten alive by a tribe of cockroaches while I lie face down in a pile of bat dung, unable to move because I've been bitten by a very poisonous snake that injected a paralysing poison into me that will take 24 hours to kill me, by which time the cockroaches would have finished me off. Ok?
So, when it comes to weddings, babies and couples; just fuck off and leave me to wallow in my pathetic excuse for a life. Because let's face it - nowadays being single is a curse, it's wrong, all kinds of wrong - people look at you funny. Nobody understands how it can be possible to still be single at 25, but let me assure you that it IS possible and I'm living it and it sucks.
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To add to this, a colleague has just informed me that THREE of her friends have become engaged in the last 24 hours, AND my friend in Singapore informed me that THREE of her colleagues are recently pronounced pregnant. Alongside these events, another member of my office has announced she's pregnant.
You see? You see my problem?? They're everywhere. EVERYWHERE I TELL YOU.
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