Pre V Day Rant

As my regular customers will know, I am not a big fan of aforementioned annual event. Last year's Pre V Day Rant consisted of definitions of the word 'single' in an attempt to prove that being single isn't a bad thing. I've moved on since those days, and will now construct my yearly rant around the following topic:

Flowers

Having recently bought a friend some flowers for her birthday, I discovered that a bunch of flowers in the 'economy' range was $65. After seeing this price, I decided to check out the cost of a V Day inspired bunch - $65 was indeed the cheapest available, and consisted of ONE red rose. that's right, ONE SINGLE RED ROSE. I asked myself, why? Why do they make flowers so expensive, and why are people seemingly ok with spending this amount of money on what is essentially a non-permanent token of affection?

To answer my questions, I decided to ask around. I asked my Incredibly Ugly Colleague the following question, "Would you spend $65 on a single red rose for your loved one?" He answered, "No I would not. Not in a million years." Initially I was pleased with this answer, but then realised that his answer was most likely tainted with a lifelong infection of bitter and twisted hatred for anything V Day related, and I probably shouldn't add his thoughts to my catalogue of data.

Then, I asked my Incredibly Jealous Colleague if she would be pleased with the gift of a single red rose, and she answered, "Yes I would - my ex boyfriend once got me a single red rose and it was lovely." I felt slightly down-trodden by her rebuttal, thinking that my argument had just gone out the window; but then I realised that her answer was most likely affected by her innate jealousy of my recent arrival, and should therefore largely be attributed to an attempt on her part to strike a similar feeling within myself.

In short, my research has led me to believe that V Day, and the price and symbolism of flowers on this day, has been put in place by a higher power to ensure that ugly people feel uglier, and jealous people feel more inadequate and overcompensate by spouting about their V Day gifts and acquisitions, whether fictional or not.

So, this V Day I will rest happily in the knowledge that I have uncovered the secret to the evil day, and when I once again don't receive any flowers or gifts in general, I shall feel powerful, lucky and wholly superior in my apparently never-ending loneliness. *nod*