Xmas

Not a big fan of xmas, as most of you know. I tend to boycott the whole thing; secret santa, tinsel and merry are banished from my vocabulary at roughly this time of the year. There is a reason for my lack of festive mirth, but I don't know if I should bore you with it. Ordinarily I would bore you with it, and get great pleasure out of enforcing my view onto the ears of you, my helpless listeners. But I have learnt that there isn't much point anymore.

Over the past few years I've tirelessly explained to colleagues, friends and family members just why I won't partake in mince pies / secret santa / decorations etc. Now, I only ever explain this when specifically asked 'why don't you celebrate xmas' - I rightfully give an answer. But I've learnt that nobody, I repeat, NOBODY is ever satisfied with my answer and more often than not thinks that my answer, and my views, are NEGOTIABLE. So for fuck's sake, let me just get this out there now: I don't celebrate xmas because I am not of the Christian faith and do not wish to spend a shit load of time and money celebrating the birthday of someone who a) I don't know, b) I doubt the existence of, and c) has never celebrated my birthday.

I ask you - would you happily turn round and spend lots of money celebrating the birthday of Buddha? No - because you're not of that faith - am I right? Would you gladly take time off, using your own annual leave which you've worked hard for, to celebrate Hanukkah? No - because you're not of that faith - AM I RIGHT??

So, next time someone asks me what I'm doing for xmas, and I reply with "why, I'm not sure... I imagine I'll treat it like any other day that I've been forced to take off work, and NOT go to the gym because it's shut, and NOT go shopping because the shops are shut, and maybe I WON'T do anything that I actually want to do because the whole fucking country is SHUT", I expect this answer to be acknowledged in a minimal way, and accepted as my prerogative.

And before you smart arses even bother asking; no, I won't be having xmas lunch, no I won't be spending time with my family, and no you won't be receiving a xmas card. Is that clear now? Good.