Wanted: Catsitter

As I'm going on holiday, I will be leaving my poor little Colin at home for 3 nights consecutively. I am therefore advertising for a Catsitter to love, honour and obey my little treasure, for the period of time aforementioned.

There will be no lawful contract in place for the above services - except the contract of trust between me and the Catsitter in question. Your duties involve waking up, at his request, at precisely 05:15am every morning, playing for half an hour, feeding him his breakfast of cat milk and biscuits, then more play and a cuddle. Colin likes to spend some time alone during the day, at which point he may choose to use your handbag/shoes as a chew toy. This is permissible, as he's currently trying to lose his baby teeth and needs something pliable to help with the process.

Later in the afternoon, more play is required, as well as a degree of praise and love directed at Colin for at least 30 minutes. After the session of 'verbal love', he likes to eat his dinner. This consists of a Whiskas pouch, of the beef, chicken or chicken/tuna variety. (I find that on cloudy days he prefers the beef.) After dinner, Colin will amuse himself until you sit down to eat (please provide your own food and beverages) and at this time he may choose to sample your food. Again, this is permissible, as he's a growing boy and needs a variety of food to fuel his growing taste buds.

Then, a long cuddle session in front of the TV is required. He likes to suckle on any exposed area of skin, so either wear a long sleeved jumper, or prepare to be needed like a pin cushion and dribbled on. Again - permissible.

And they are your duties. As you can see, he's not a very needy cat. He's just got special requirements because he's a very special little boy. Applications for the position of Catsitter can be sent to me via email before COB on Friday 2nd November.

P.S. The toilet seat needs to be left in the 'down' position, as Colin is quite fond of snorkeling in the bottom of the toilet.