Issues with Caesar

I don't have issues with Julius Caesar - the person - but I do have issues with some items that have taken his name.

Firstly, I'm beginning to wonder if natural births shouldn't be outlawed completely, to be replaced by the much less messy Caesarian Section. After a lunchtime conversation with Roy and IT Helpdesk, I've decided that any woman who decides on a natural birth must be either fucking stupid, or have a fanny like a wizard's sleeve. It's just not right.

Secondly, I think I'm allergic to Caesar Salads. Last time I ate one, (as some of you may remember), I got a bloated eyeball. It was red, puffy, and very painful for a good 24 hours, and I had to go to hospital only to be told that there was nothing they could do. And then yesterday I ate a very nice Caesar Salad for lunch, and today I have a bloated stomach to the extent that all I've eaten is a small bowl of muesli and a pearl iced tea.

You see, I'm thinking that this concurrent theme isn't coincidental, and that maybe I'm doomed to a life of being 'touched' by all things Caesarian. Maybe I'll end up campaigning for the banning of natural births, as well as the banning of Caesar Salads, and I'll meet a man named Julius who'll either a) force feed me salad's until I'm sick, or b) have such a massive appendage that I end up with a bucket-fanny which is fully capable of popping out the sprogs in twenty seconds. Who knows?!