Working on a SATURDAY

Thta's right - I'm here on the weekend, working on a presentation for my interview on Monday. I’ll present to you a parallel presentation…

Slide 1 is called ‘Overall Objectives’: My objectives for today are to get this damned thing finished by 11:45, so that I can get to the bus stop by 12:00, and then to chermside by 12:45 at the latest, in order to get on the treadmill for at least 30 mins, and then to yoga at 13:30. (And I’ve just realized that this is totally not gonna happen – fuck. It’s already 10:15 and I have no idea what I’m doing. Maybe I should change my objectives to; get out of here by nightfall.

Slide 2 is called ‘My Position’: me me me me me it’s all about me you see. My position at the moment is slightly more relaxed than slide 1 - thanks to my iPod and Mylo’s Destroy Rock n Roll. However, things were touch and go for a minute there - One of the strange people who I work with, that is now labeled as strange to an impossibly large extent for being in work on Saturday for something work related, went downstairs, not thinking that the alarm down there hadn’t been disarmed. (good one) so Mylo was interrupted by the alarm, and I had to RUN downstairs to disarm the fucking thing. Can I stress the word RUN…? That’s right – I had to break into a sprint – this goes against all my beliefs and principles – normally I don’t run unless I’m being chased, or if there’s a damn good prize at the end of said run. Neither of these factors were present in the alarm scenario, and I’m now feeling used – violated – and ultimately, damaged.

Slide 3 is the ‘Action Plan’: Jesus Christ it’s hot in here – the air conditioning doesn’t work on the weekends. What a pile of shit. My plan of action right now is to go down to the water cooler, fill up my bottle, and come back upstairs, all without breaking a sweat. Lets see how it goes… MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. Oh … no no no wait a second… what’s that… DAMN. A bead of sweat has just formed on my upper lip. Mission failed. Damned air conditioning. Oh oh oh and now I’m totally distracted by “Doctor Pressure” on my iPod – love this song. Oh yeah – I’m now bobbing around on my chair like a loon. La la la la la I like this song cos he says mother fucker… hehehehehe… ah and now the hand movements have started – imagine, if you will, a double handed wave, moving from side to side in time with the music, and accompanied with a subtle movement of the head and shoulders. Lalalala lalalala and now I’m typing in time to the music ….. harder than it sounds, but muchos fun. Meh – songs ended now. Back to the action plan.

Slide 4 doesn’t really exist, but for the purposes of this parallel presentation, it is called ‘The Conclusion’: Oh my god – I’m actually looking forward to doing this presentation! Secretly I LOVE powerpoint and I LOVE presenting, because everyone has to listen to me, and they can’t interrupt. Brilliant. Ok – it’s finished now. All done. Gonna go get to the gym – it’s 12:07 so I might be just in time to do some treadmill, then yoga. Sweet. Hey! I might even see you there.