Anticipating a wasted opportunity...

I'm concerned that the USS Kitty Hawk is about to dock in Brisbane; I'm concerned that the 5500 sailors on board said aircraft carrier will not be 'catered for' in an adequate manner; I'm concerned that we have not been informed as to their whereabouts this coming weekend, or indeed, their itinerary of amusements and events.

I'd like to propose that Brisbane celebrates their arrival in a suitable manner, and I'd like to head up the committee that organises this. In order to prevent the atrocity of their presence going unnoticed, I have put together an agenda of items that need addressing prior to the start of the weekend; the weekend that will now be known as "Sally's Sailor Solstice".

1. Welcoming Committee: Women dressed in bikinis will greet the sailors as they disembark the Kitty Hawk - all sailors will be required to give their name, age, rank, measurements and preferred beverage at this point. Details will be passed to me for shortlisting.
2. Shortlist Party: Those sailors lucky enough to make the shortlist will then be asked to form an orderly queue to be vetted by yours truly. I'll be looking for notable muscular definition, and a level of arrogance conducive to my own 'damsel in distress' qualities.
3. Final Event: The lucky 5 Sailors who have met my prior requirements will be ushered onwards to the Stamford Plaza where a private party will be held in their honour. Invitees include me, the Sailors, and the bar staff.

What happens to the remaining 5495 sailors is up to you - I'll be contactable after 9am on Monday morning, shortly after the Kitty Hawk has left my/our welcoming shores.